Old Blog Posts: November 2008

Sometimes the stories I want to remember aren’t the greatest parenting tales.  But it’s good because when Will has kids I really won’t be able to judge.  Because of mornings like this:

Nic and I are working in the office.  Will is playing downstairs.  And probably getting into ice cream.

We hear him come marching up the stairs and it sounds like he has something heavy.  We assume it’s ice cream.

Will comes into the office and plops of butternut squash on my desk.

With my chef’s knife sticking out of it.

Nic and I exchanged a quick “let’s not give this a lot of attention” glance before launching into the “knives are no touch” lesson.

I pulled the knife out of the squash (he’d stabbed it in there 1.5″ deep and I noted that there were a lot of other stab marks.  He’d given this his all.  I sent Will downstairs (where we would talk about the knife holder being off limits).

“Do you think he was hungry?”  I asked Nic.

“Or it’s a message” he answered.

I went downstairs and handed Will the squash while I washed the knife and discussed who does and does not get to touch knives in this family.

Will cradled the squash to his chest, gave me the world’s sweetest face, and said:

“Pum face?”

And then it all made sense.  He’d been trying to carve a jack-o-lantern (or “pumpkin face”).

It melted my heart.  I wanted to be able to make him a jack-o-lantern, but (a) you can’t carve a butternut squash and (b) I didn’t want to encourage him to go around stabbing gourds.  So I got out the secret stash of markers and we drew dozens of pum faces on that little butternut squash.

And have I mentioned that Will calls the Itsy Bitsy Spider song “washed out”?  Cause he does, and it’s adorable.

Will began watching Christmas movies about two months ago.  So now that the Christmas decorations are going up in retail establishments nation-wide, he GETS IT.

And he is FREAKING EXCITED.

Today I took him out and about and he woke up from a cat-nap in Archivers.  The first thing he said was “Chriss-mas Tree!”  So happy and excited about the “shiny stars” and “snow” and “santee claus”es.  And then we went to the mall and ran from window to window delighting in all of the Christmas items.  “Christmas!” he says.

I feel the same way.

I took him to Hallmark (figured that would probably be the biggest Christmas-to-the-max place) and Will feel head over heels in love with the Buzz Lightyear ornament that says 5 different Buzz things.  We stood there and pressed the button for honest-to-god 15 minutes.  (I looked at the other ornaments.  Will pressed the button 100 times.  No one else was around, so it wasn’t too obnoxious of us.)  So I had to buy it (and luckily, now that Nic has a job, I got to)!  And I gave it to Will and he joyfully carried it around the mall, reciting the words along with Buzz, jumping for emphasis.

We went to Victoria’s Secret and Will has his first run-in with slutty mannequins.

I’m pretty sure I can safely say that Will is straight.  Very very straight.

We walked in and there were two mannequins all slutted out for Christmas, draped over one another.  Will stopped and stared.  And stared.  And stared.  His eyes threated to bug right out of his head.  I pulled him farther back into the store, by the bras I was looking for, and there was another mannequin nearby.  She was in underwear and a bra, and Will looked at her, stroked her leg, giggled, and said “leg.”  He does not have this reaction to the mannequins at Macys.  But to be fair, most of the department store mannequins don’t have heads, so maybe that’s the difference.

I am so so so excited about Christmas this year with Will.  I can’t wait to get our own Christmas tree and put out the decorations.  Will is going to be so excited!

NIC GOT A JOB OFFER!

Mark it on your calendars–two days ago Nic got a job offer from Lockheed Martin.  It’s a fantastic offer and we have been partying ever since.  We’re pretty much going to single-handedly prop up consumer spending for the rest of this recession with our celebrating.

So here’s how it all went down.  (Warning–I don’t have a diary or journal outside of this, so this is for me and hasn’t been edited for length, content, or extreme self-indulgence.  All of the stuff and lessons I want to remember from this because I hope it will be one of the biggest challenges of our lives!)

On Tuesday the 4th of November, Obama was elected.  And we were all like “party!”   “Life is awesome!”  “No more Bush!”  “CNN can do holograms!”  (except we are also a little sad not to get to enjoy more of Sarah Palin’s word jumbles and botched interviews. that was pretty decent entertainment.)  That whole hope and change thing that Obama was promising, as it turns out, was not an empty promise.  The very next day Nic went on an interview at Lockheed Martin and Bernadette went on an interview at Chase.  Both of their interviews went well.  And so on Friday, when Bernadette was offered a job, we were all like “serious celebration is needed!  things ARE going to get better!” so we arranged to go out to Red Robin with our friends.  (except the girls were pretty worked up about the crappiness that is prop 8 passing in cali.)

At the table?  Me and Nic (+Will), Bernadette and Haydn, and Laura and Boris.  We were lucky to get that table, because as we made plans to celebrate, no one remembered that it was Friday.  That’s because our entire circle of friends consists of the unemployed.  Bernadette, Nic, and Laura were all unemployed and seeking work.  50% of our table was jobless not of their own free will.  And they didn’t meet at the unemployment office.  These were pre-recession friends.  (This is like our Great Depression II story.  Only it takes place at Red Robin and we all have shoes instead of taking place in a Hooverville where we skin Will to make our shoes.)

That’s the same day that they released the latest unemployment figures.  They were even worse than people thought.  Except a lot better than a poll at our table would have suggested. 

So the weekend goes by and we’re feeling awesome for Bernadette and I’m feeling awesome for us, because I don’t care whether or not Nic gets the job.  Because the previous weekend I’d crunched all the numbers and even if I didn’t book another wedding or portrait shoot, we still had enough money in savings and upcoming contracted weddings to get us to next September (Nic would start teaching school in August).  My friends told me that it was because I no longer cared if Nic got a job that NOW it was going to happen.  “Just you wait” they said.  “I don’t care” I said.  “We’re golden!”

So Monday morning rolls around and Nic gets a call for HR at Lockheed because the compensation department has some questions.  Ummm…I’m pretty sure the compensation department doesn’t have questions for yahoos that they’re not thinking about compensating!  So we started getting cautiously excited.  I started making celebratory plans just in case we had something to celebrate after 11 months of job searching, 6 months of being home, and 4.5 months of official unemployment.

Will and I went to Laura’s house to do some laptop battery charger trouble-shooting (and also to get me away from thinking about possible jobs).  So we weren’t there when Nic got the email.   But when we saw a text, voicemail, and half a million missed calls from Nic I knew it was good.

It was better than good.  Better than we’d dared hoped for!  A great offer with great benefits!  We were rich again!

So we raced home to Nic, called everyone we know, and then kidnapped him for an evening of celebratory adventures.  We began with dinner at PF Chang’s and then scooted over to see Madagascar 2 (Will’s second theater movie, or, as we call them “big shows”).

The next day the boys went grocery shopping and bought fruit, candy, and a big lion throw rug for Will.  I restarted our milk delivery, maxed out our ‘08 IRAs (at a bargain price), researched preschools for Will and reshuffled our money to see how it all shook out and our goals for the immediate future.

And we did a fair bit of victory speech style conversations where we talked about our big win, how we got here, and who we have to thank.

We have been so lucky in our Great Depression II experience.  We had so much support.  From generous gifts from family members in the financial support arena to the emotional support that was always there for us.  I had a fantastic network of online friends who were always there for my stressed-to-the-max breakdowns so that I could keep the worst of it away from people I actually have to see in real life.  They told me what I needed to hear.  Even when what I needed to hear was “We side with Nic.  And PS–it probably wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for you to see a shrink.”  And when I needed someone NOT to say that I was crazy, I got to call Kelly.  And when I needed to escape all together, God brought me the Twilight series.  Because as easy as it all seems in retrospect, as “of course this worked out okay” as it feels, I don’t want to forget that it was terrifying some days.  And overwhelming and all consuming.

But we marched on through.  Both Nic and I had our bummed out this sucks hard days.  Our “when will this END?!” days.  But we did a good job of not letting that dominate this time.  We still enjoyed our time together–and knew even as it happened that years from now we would probably look back fondly on these 6 months of togetherness!  (I frequently used the phrase “I can’t wait to look back on this fondly.”)    The boys went to the pool and the zoo and we had lunch together and got to lounge around as a family on weekdays.  We’re super grateful that we were able to do that.  That we had the kind of support that let us get our crazies out so we could enjoy the parts of this that WERE joyful.

During the last few months there were frequently times when I felt like I understood how it all pieced together and why things had happened the way they did.  Like our big savings account.  When we saw a financial planner to put together our financial plan while I was working, it didn’t seem like we needed all that much in a savings account.  We were both in the Air Force–the usual lay offs and illness that could overwhelm people weren’t a threat to us.  But I wanted a big chunk in savings.  Felt completely compelled to have a big stash of money squirrelled away for a rainy day.  And now I know why!  (This will also be why we will prioritize the rebuilding of savings.  We’ll be like old people with Great Depression II emotional financial scars.)

All the pieces of my photography business made so much sense, too.  Why I was propelled into photography and moved away from scrapbooking.  Why I discovered a love for wedding photography at Heather’s wedding last year.  Why I found a second shooting position so quickly that allowed me to get great experience and hit the ground running.  Why Bernadette found me a matter of weeks after I went live.  And why she was able to provide such an amazing boost to our business.

The “big names” in the industry are famous for booking 35 weddings in their first year.  That is considered AMAZING and completely inspiring.  We haven’t closed out our first year and we stand at 39 bookings.  That kind of success is unheard of, and I know it happened because we NEEDED it to happen.  The business did an amazing job propping up our family, and we are so so so so so so lucky for that success.  I hated the stress of supporting the family through a job where you constantly need to get hired and find more work and more jobs, but now that it’s over I can also love that I was *able* to.  It makes me feel very strongly that I always want to be in a position to financially support us if need be.  I think in the long term I’d like to go back to school in some fashion.

What’s next for us?

Our plan right now is to make the most of the time off that Nic has left.  We’re not sure of his start date, but we estimate around the first of December.  We know we’re all in for an adjustment when he starts work.  I’m incredibly spoiled in that I can run off on an errand at the drop of the hat and leave Will at home, or ask Nic to take Will to the zoo while I finish off proofing a shoot.  And all of that is going to end.  Both Nic and I will be tired and stressed from working.  Nic will often work all week and then photograph weddings or an engagement shoot on the weekend.  And I’ll be managing the house and Will alone on the weekdays, while still fulfilling all of those shoots and weddings I scheduled while we needed me to work as much as humanly possible.  So we know it will be stressful now, but in a new way!

I hope that being aware that it will be tough will be a help.  As will the fact that Papa Murphey’s pizza for dinner will be a financially reasonable option.  And I’m pretty sure that being overworked is better when you can stock beer in the fridge.  We have already reserved Will’s spot at pre school–he will start going two half-days every week when Nic starts work (moving up to three days if he likes it).  I think that will be a tremendous help as we adjust from to another “new normal.”  We visited the preschool today and Will took to it well.  I think he will have a blast playing with the kids (he is so darned lonely and desparate for friends) and I think he also stands to learn a ton.  We’re starting him off at the Montessori school across the street because they will take him before his third birthday, and then we’ll probably be moving him to the other preschool that’s even closer to us once he hits his third birthday.  (I’m not entirely sure that the Montessori method is best for him [that ornery child could use a little less leading and a little more following] and it’s also three times more expensive.) 

Nic is still going to continue his teaching program.  We picked it because it doesn’t interfere with work–it’s a very flexible online program.  But we think that instead of starting to teach this coming school year, he will defer a year.  Give us time to enjoy his salary, build up our savings, give the business time to grow (and feel more confident that this success is for real and not a momumental coincidence), and give me time to consider scheduling some eventual maternity leave (baby #2 will have to be scheduled around wedding and portrait seasons).

We will resume our suspended services.   Starting in January, I’d begun cutting back.  We cut back more and more and more as time went on and kept a good review of our expenditure.  One of the things I did when Nic went on terminal leave was go through our services to see which we could suspend or cancel.  We were spending $60 on television a month, and I wanted to cut that, but didn’t know if it would be worse to breech the contract.  I discovered that with most services, you can suspend them for up to 6 months without paying any penalties.  So we suspended a lot of reoccuring payments and downgraded others.  I am super excited to have our milk delivery again.  There is nothing more delicous in the world than our fresh organic milk.  Thursdays were always my happiest days.  And guess what?  Tomorrow is our first milk Thursday in 6 months!  (Waiting for the milk man is going to feel a lot like waiting for Santa.)  A service that we’re not jumping to re-initiate that is sort of surprising is the tv.  (And no, this is not because we grew less dependent on the tv.  TV is awesome.  Not having tv shows is totally not an option.)  We discovered the beauty of free tv.  Hulu.com, ABC.com can get us 95% of the shows we want to watch (Project Runway isn’t one of those shows sadly).  So we’ll reinstate our tv when we have to, and then we’ll probably get out of it as soon as our contract ends.

That is something I learned–how much being contracted into luxuries suck.  We were going to have to restart our television service next month, and that was something I was stressed about.  I think I will never dismiss length of service contracts as unimportant in the future.  Because you never know when that luxury will suddenly become too much of a luxury!

We are on cloud nine this week.  Completely enjoying the relief that we made it through the disappointment and financial stress, and full of gratitue for all of the support we had.  It came from so many directions in so many different ways.  We were so amazingly lucky.  When I look back on this year, I know I won’t ever look at it as I did this summer–”how unlucky is it that right after Nic put in his separation paperwork [almost a year out from his separation date] the economy tanks?!”–but as being an incredibly lucky year.  We always had everything we needed.  And most of the time, we got what we wanted, too.

Will’s favorite phrase this week is “of course!”  Except he doesn’t really know what it means.

The other night he asked for water and I said “of course!”

So now he likes to say “of course!”  and “oh of course!”

But tonight when I went in to kiss him goodnight for the 800th time, he asked for “water, of course?”  He likes the sound…doesn’t quite get the meaning…

In the usual place.  And I have pics from Nic’s birthday on our work blog. 

“breakfast” comes out sounding like “breast”

(PS–in fantastic news I had a dream this morning about where to find my halloween pictures memory card…and the dream was right!  my bathrobe pocket.) 

Since I can’t find my memory card (STILL) and I’m trying to fight off the panic, I’m going to write about Halloween.  Like people in the olden days.

Here’s the quick recap:  Will loved it.  LOVED it.  I mean, he liked it last year, but this year he 120% got it and it’s his favorite holiday.  I can tell.  Except I’m pretty sure Christmas will replace it because he is all about Sant-ey Clause and Christmas movies and he is going to be SO excited when we start singing Christmas carols at bedtime every night!  (Puff the Magic Dragon or “Puss Dragon” is sung at every naptime/bedtime right now.)   Anyway, tonight as Will got his last hug/kiss for bed he said “Happy Ween?  A la Trick-Treat?”  And talked to me about doors and presents.  I had to explain that yes, it was the best EVER, but it’s a once a year thing.

It’s tough to get it, but not quite get it.

He was very excited to wear his “chicken suit” (Nic taught him “Happy Halloween” (Happy Ween) “Trick or Treat” (trick-treat) and “Chicken Suit” this week to prepare) and go outside with the kids.  We went trick-or-treating up and down our street with Ems from next door (Casey had said she was too scared to go trick-or-treating and I asked Ems if she wanted to come with Willie and she said yes!) and I got the cutest pictures of the two of them hugging.  It has had me tearing apart the house and I still can’t find the darn card.

We went out just as it was barely getting dark (stupid extended daylight savings time–we went out at 6pm!) because we wanted to be home for the bulk of the trick-or-treaters.  It only took one or two houses and Will GOT IT.  He was having a blast.  He loved running up to the door and getting a piece of candy!  He even seemed to pick up that we were going to the houses with lights and pumpkins.

The only hitch was the house where the guy answered the door in a gorilla suit.  Will JUMPED into Nic’s arms and started whimpering.  He was terrified and shook until we made it to the next house!

He loved it so much that when he heard me ask Nic “think it’s time to head home” he said “NO HOME!”  But when I told him that we had to go home to get ready for the trick-or-treaters he perked right up, grabbed my hand, and rushed me home.

Last year he loved answering the door for trick-or-treaters and this year was no different.  He would run to the door, open it, and say “HAPPY WEEN!” at the kids.   All was good until Nic was upstairs putting through his tuition payment and I ran downstairs to answer the door only to find will come streaking (literally) out of the bathroom to answer the door.  He didn’t care that he was stark naked and had just dropped a big poo–he wanted to see the trick-or-treaters!  (And remember that we have a floor-to-ceiling window right by the door.)  That I have no pictures of anyway. 

Will was good with Nic and I handing out the candy until a little fairy princess came to the door.  I put the candy in her bag and was sending on her way, but Willie was freaking out–trying to grab the candy bowl.  At first I thought he just wanted candy but then I got it–he wanted to be the one to GIVE it to the cute little girl.  (such a ladies’ man)

So I called her back and he gave her a tootsie roll.  And wished her Happy Ween.

It was so much fun to share Halloween with Will!